


You Were Red

by Gosarah15



Category: Holy Trinity (YouTube RPF), jacksepticeye, markiplier - Fandom
Genre: CrankGameplays - Freeform, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Markiplier - Freeform, Septiplier AWAY!, Soulmates, Wiishu - Freeform, jacksepticeye - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-16
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-17 19:58:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 18,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9340934
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gosarah15/pseuds/Gosarah15
Summary: I'll write a better summary later, but for now...HERE'S THE GIST, MY FRIENDS. EVERYBODY SEES IN BLACK AND WHITE UNTIL THEY MEET THEIR SOULMATE AND LITTLE SEANYBOY THINKS THAT HE'S NEVER GONNA MEET THIS PERSON SO HE BECOMES A CYNICAL LITTLE B*TCH.Heh, sorry. That's all you're gonna get for now.https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLSe75g5-SNfy8p5wG3YfPCjGy7AO-qakZjdPZP3IgA9jGvApoA/viewformThis link brings you to a form so you can recommend what you want to happen in the fic :) I love hearing your ideas. No promises that I'll use the ideas tho. Sorry





	1. Everything Is Grey

**Author's Note:**

> Hmmm... Black and white, huh? I guess you could call this fic "FIFTY SHADES OF GAY"

They say that meeting your soulmate is like fireworks: it happens all at once and it's so beautiful.

They say it's like seeing colour for the first time and, in this world, it's actually true. When you meet your soulmate, all the grey in the world turns to colour. Some people are lucky enough to meet them early in their life, others might never meet them.

I hear about moments like that all the time, but it's all bullshit to me. I don't believe in true love, I don't believe that I'll ever meet the perfect person. It all sounds so fake.

  
  


I stare at my wall for a while. It's a bland grey in my eyes, but, to my parents, it's a bright green. Green. It sounds like a beautiful colour, just saying the name fills me with joy. Ever since I was little, I was set on making everything I own green. Green became my favorite colour without me ever actually seeing it.

My eyes flicker to the suitcase on the ground.  _ Do I really want to go? _

In this moment, many thoughts pass through my head all at once. Thoughts like these are why it took me so long to finally decide on moving to America.

_ It'll be fine. I'll be fine. I'm fine. _

I take a deep breath and pick up the last of my bags before heading out of the empty apartment.

_ LA is where dreams come true… That's what people keep saying. But what's my dream? _

 

I step out onto the sidewalk and check my phone for the time. The uber should be here any moment. People around me are on their way to work, since it's early morning. Some walk in pairs, hands linked and pointing at the sunrise, talking and laughing. In the midst of the crowd, I can see the lowly single people who are either too cynical or too tired to be surrounded by people who are happy. I can’t help but feel empathetic towards them. I’m not one to do anything to find my soulmate, I’m not even certain that there is someone out there for me.

But here’s the thing. I don’t need anyone. I’m fine on my own. Fine with this damned colourless world. Fine living in black and white.  _ I’m fine. I swear. _

A car pulls up in front of me and a man steps out to grab my bags before opening the passenger door for me. For some reason, I can’t seem to muster the courage to look at him the entire ride to the airport.  _ As if I want to meet the right person here when I’m only gonna leave anyways _ .

 

I’m about to get out of the car when the man next to me says, “Ya have beautiful blue eyes, did ya know that?”

I freeze for a moment before turning to face him.  _ Could he be… _

_ Nope _ . He’s still in black and white.

“How did you-”

“How is it that I can see the colour of your eyes? That’s easy, mate.” He reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a picture of a beautiful woman. “This is Eleanor, ma’ fiancée. Met ‘er at the age of 15 when I moved ‘ere from Dublin.”

I grit my teeth for a moment before saying, “She’s beautiful. Ya must be really lucky, to meet her so young.”

He sighs. “Yeah, after that, I could appreciate every sunset an’ every rainbow just as much as the rest of the people who found their soulmates.”

My hands clench into fists for a brief moment before I mutter, “I wish I could see the colour o’ my eyes.” I can feel my frustration bubble up and my eyes begin to water.

The driver put his arm around me and I flinch. “Don’t worry, I’m sure you’ll meet someone sometime soon an’ I bet she’ll be beautiful.”

My face falls slightly. With that, I wipe my eyes quickly on my hoodie sleeve and get out of the car, mumbling a thanks as I get my luggage.

“No problem, mate. An’ good luck with wherever yer goin’ an’ whatever yer doin’.”

He waves at me with a huge grin on his face and drives off.

 

I sigh and walk into the busy airport.

 

I try hard not to think about what the driver had said.

 

“ _ She’ll be beautiful. _ ”

  
_ Yeah right, mate. I’m gay. _


	2. The Morning Light Disarms You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I lean in closer to him and turn my head so I can see his beautiful face. It’s almost in complete darkness, but I can see a slight sparkle in his eye and he smiles back at me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> People (aka just my boyfriend) were asking me for a new chapter, so here's one for ya guys. Sorry it's so short!!!!!

The sun is warm on my face, even though it’s barely up. It’s strange, really, to see the sunrise in colour, I mean. And now I’m sitting here, in the grass on a hill, with someone beside me. He puts his arm around me and pulls me close. I inhale what can’t can’t be described as anything but “guy smell”. No, it’s not bad or anything. It’s actually fairly pleasant. His warmth radiates off of him, and it keeps me warm, it even gives me this warm feeling in the pit of my stomach.  _ Geez, is this what it’s like to be in love?  _

I lean in closer to him and turn my head so I can see his beautiful face. It’s almost in complete darkness, but I can see a slight sparkle in his eye and he smiles back at me.

“Ya know,” I say, finally, “Before you came along, I had thought that I wasn’t destined fer love. But not that I’ve met ya, I can’t imagine any life without ya. I love you, and yer crazy hair.” I ruffle his hair a bit, and I can tell that he likes it, because he pulls me even closer.

He whispers in my ear, his scraggly half-beard tickles my ear. “I love you so, so much, Sean.”

_ Huh, funny. Nobody ever calls me Sean.  _ It doesn’t feel weird though. Nothing he could say or do would ever feel weird to me. I love him, and he loves me. And that’s all that will ever-

 

I wake up with a start. There are walls all around me, it even feels like they’re closing in on me. Of course that’s not true, though. I’m still in the plane. I should’ve known. Nothing that amazing will ever happen to me. I’m destined to be alone. Who’d want to be with me? Even my  _ soul mate  _ would have trouble dealing with me all the time.

I’m never gonna see that sunset in colour, I’ll never understand it’s true beauty. I’ll never feel that warm feeling you get from being touched by the one you truly love.

Suddenly, the captain’s voice can be heard throughout the plane, announcing that we’ll be landing soon.

It’s nice to think that I’m out of that hell hole I called a home and that I’m on to bigger and better things… Of course, I’m still not sure what I want to do, or where I’m gonna live. But I guess I’ll just have to find out as things progress on their own.

I brace myself for the landing and await whatever LA has out there for me.  _ After all, LA is where dreams come true. _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Btw, guys. Every chapter title is a lyric from a song. If you know the song, type it in the comments :p Happy guessing!


	3. Could This Be Love at First Sight, Or Should I Walk By Again?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I turn, pissed that someone wasn’t looking where they were going. That’s when I see it. A bright colour that can only be described as what heat would feel like.

“Enjoy your time in LA, sir.” I roll my eyes at the security check guard. He seems just too preppy to be working with cranky people who were stuck in a plane with a hundred other cranky people for who knows how long.

He’s still staring at me, since I didn’t answer. So, I put on my sarcastic “I- _ don’t- _ hate-the-world-and-I-love-everybody” face, and I head towards the baggage claim.

 

You know, It’s hard to find your own bag when you don’t know what colour it is. It means you gotta find another way to determine which one’s yours. In my case, I put a giant tag on the handle with a little septic eye that I named Sam. I liked it so much, that I put him on a lot of my things. Backpacks, carry-ons, even a snapback I had made. 

I find my suitcase, after a long search, and I head out to find a cab that’ll take me into the city to find a hotel to stay in.

 

I walk out of the hotel, angry at the check-in people, angry at my room (since the lights and water occasionally don’t work), and angry at my parents (who don’t support my decision and want to make me move back if I don’t find a place to work in under a week).

 

I suddenly feel something or someone crash full-force into my back. I’m sent flying forward and fall flat onto the sidewalk.  _ Great, now my knee hurts. _

“Whoops, I’m so sorry,” I hear a deep voice say behind me.

I turn, pissed that someone wasn’t looking where they were going. That’s when I see it. A bright colour that can only be described as what heat would feel like. I feel something in me stir and my heart stops for a mere second. This man is gorgeous. He has Asian-like facial features, and yet there’s some European vibe to him as well. He’s wearing a flannel that’s the same colour as his hair, but slightly less vibrant, and a pair of black skinny jeans that seem to fit him too well. The rest of his hair is plain black and his eyes are this neutral colour that looks kind of like black, except it isn’t.

My eyes fall upon his lips. He’s smiling.

“H-has anyone told you that your eyes are the most beautiful colour?”

For the first time, I smiled (genuinely, I mean). “T-thanks. I was told that they’re blue. I like yer hair, by the way.”

He grins, and ruffles his hair. “The person at the hair salon calls it ‘red’. It’s pretty vibrant, isn’t it?”

I nod, now at a loss for words. He’s just  _ so beautiful  _ to look at.

“Hey,” he starts, “have you been seeing colour for a while?”

I shake my head. “Actually, I just started. How about you?”

“Same here. So what’s your name, Mr. Ocean Eyes?”

“Jack,”  _ wait, uh…  _ “Oh, I mean, my name is Sean. But you can call me Jack. Everyone calls me Jack.”

“Well, nice to meet you, Sean.” He extends his hand to me, and I gladly shake it, my knees going weak.

 

  
  
“I’m Mark, your apparent soulmate.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *cheesy announcer voice* It's time to play "Guess That Song".  
> Comment below which song you think it is :)


	4. It's a Strange Way of Saying That I Know I'm Supposed to Love You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He hesitates for a moment, and I take note of the way he said ‘soulmate’. It’s as if he doesn’t even believe that soulmates even exist.
> 
> TIME FOR AN AWKWARD SORTA-FIRST-DATE!!!!!! WHO'S EXCITED??? I KNOW I AM!!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> February break and I have nothing to do cuz my boyfriend's busy and my friends have better things to do than talk to me.
> 
> I wrote this while watching the Markiplier livestream
> 
> Guess the lyric that the chapter title came from without looking it up.

The two of us sit in the coffee shop in complete silence. If I had known that it would be  _ this  _ awkward to meet my soulmate, I would've just locked myself in my room and never come out. I'm trying to focus on the man sitting in front of me, but I'm too nervous to make eye contact with him, and instead I take this time to take in all the colour that I never knew the true beauty of. In the few hours that I've been able to see the world through what feels like a new set of eyes, I've learned about many different colours. For example, my hair is considered brown (an ugly color in my opinion), and this Mark fellow’s hair is red. I don't know what it is about the colour, but red triggers certain feelings within me that I didn't know existed, as if there's this whole new energy flowing through my veins. I like it. A lot.

It seems like Mark’s also taking in the world, since every time I sneak a glance at the man, he's been staring out the window, or studying the colors on the menu. Or maybe he's just doing what I've been doing since we sat down. Avoiding the awkwardness.

I clear my throat finally, and Mark looks up, an eyebrow raised and a slight smile forming the longer he stares at me. I try to smile back, but it turns into the weird grimace.

“So,” he starts, “ _ Sean.  _ I like that name. Where are you from?”

For a moment, I forget how to form words with my mouth. I'm not sure what's causing it. The voice, the hair, the smile… But I quickly shake it off, or at least I try to.

“Uh, Ireland.”

He puts his elbows on the table in order to lean in closer. “Hmm… I should've been able to tell from the accent. Guess I didn't really notice, as I was just lost in your eyes.”

I blush and study my hands in my lap. “Have ya ever been ta Ireland?”

He shrugs. “Never had the time. And also never had a real reason to visit.”

“Oh,” I'm still looking at my hands. “It's a great place, actually. If ya leave out all tha rain, and if ya don't mind eating potatoes all tha time, and if ya aren't too against drinking, ‘cause there are a bunch o’ pubs…”

I know I’m rambling, but I just can’t stop talking. I’ve never been so nervous in my entire life, and it’s starting to piss me off. Suddenly, my incessant rambling is interrupted by a low rumble of a chuckle that makes my heart skip a beat. 

“What?” I say, suddenly self-aware of my awkwardness. “Was it somethin’ I said?”

“No,” he says, still giggling slightly. “You’re just cute when you’re nervous.”

I cross my arms. “How can you tell that I’m nervous?”

He hesitates for a moment, like he’s not sure if he should tell me. “Well, you’re fidgeting your leg so much that the table is moving.”

I pause and stare at the table. He’s right. I’m not moving my leg anymore, but coffee had spilled all over the table. The dark liquid was dripping off the table and onto the floor as well as his lap. I can feel my face get really hot.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to.”

I grab some napkins and am about to start drying his lap when I realize what I’m doing, blush, and press the napkins into the palm of his hand before I go to wipe down the table.

Mark laughs. “It’s okay, Sean. Don’t worry about it. I’m still getting used to this ‘soulmate’ thing as well.”  
I’m not sure why, but the way he said it leaves a sting, as if he doesn’t truly believe in it. This wave of sadness overcomes me and I’m trying hard not to let past feelings ruin this for me. I know I need to leave before I let my emotions get the best of me.

I stand up so quickly that I knock over my coffee and spill it all over my favourite hoodie. I know it’ll leave a stain, so I merely pull off the hoodie and leave it on the chair I was sitting in.

“I’m sorry, Mark, but I have ta go.” 

With this, I leave the coffeeshop. I can see him out of the corner of my eye that he is getting up to follow me, but gives up and sits back down, looking defeated. I admit that I feel pretty bad about leaving him there, but I just know that I need to get far away and find a place to just think. My first thought is to go back to the hotel, but Mark knows that I’m staying there, and I’m not in the mood to see him for a while.

 

I walk for about an hour, heading straight forward so that I don’t get lost on the way back. Across the street from me, I see a small park. There’s a lone bench that sits opposite to a small fountain surrounded by flowers of all different colors. I cross the street and perch myself on one side of the bench. I purposely don’t look at the flowers, because the different colours are making me feel dizzy.

Now that I’m not moving, my emotions are starting to bubble up to the surface and my eyes start to burn. The memories come flooding back and tears start to stream down my face. I let them flow freely, not giving a shit what others are thinking of me.

 

_ “Sean!!!” I feel arms wrap around my upper body from behind. The voice gives away who it is, and I turn around to face him. _

_ “Hey, Justin.” _

_ He pulls away and looks into my eyes. All I see is grey. _

_ “So, I was thinking…” He’s fidgeting with his hands, a habit that I still find cute. I can tell something’s on his mind. “We’ve been hanging out quite a bit, and I know we’re not each other’s ‘soulmates’ or anything…” _

_ He hesitates for a moment, and I take note of the way he said ‘soulmate’. It’s as if he doesn’t even believe that soulmates even exist. _

_ “And I was wondering if you’d like to go out with me sometime?” Justin says this as if he’s asking a question, but at the same time he’s stating a fact. _

_ I’m taken slightly abac. Sure, I like him, but I don’t love him, and there’s definitely not that spark between us that I imagine I’d feel with my true soulmate. “Well… I dunno, Justin.” _

_ “Please,” I can hear the desperation in his voice, and it hurts a little. “I’ve really developed feelings for you, and I’m starting to think that you could really be my ‘soulmate’.” _

_ There it is. He said it weird again. _

_ “Jack, I’m starting to see colours when I’m around you.” _

_ I stop. It doesn’t make sense. Is that even possible? Can someone truly fall for someone that isn’t even their soulmate? _

_ I’m skeptical, so I ask him something that might help me determine whether or not he’s telling me the truth. “If you’re actually telling the truth, what’s my eye colour?” _

_ Without hesitation, he says, “blue.” _

_ This can’t be possible, can it? How does he even know? Can it be… _

_ “I’m really your soulmate?” _

_ He nods excitedly. “Yup! I can’t believe it either!” _

_ “But…” Something just doesn’t feel right. “Why can’t I see colour?” _

_ He shrugs. “Maybe it just hasn’t kicked in yet. Or maybe you need to fall in love with me first.” _

_ I don’t know much about soulmates, so I guess he could be right. Maybe it isn’t always ‘love at first sight’. _

_ “So? What do ya say? Will you go out with me? I promise you’ll have a good time.” _

_ I take a deep breath and look deep into his eyes. They’re just so full of hope... But they’re still grey. I want to say no, just to keep the friendship we already have.  _

_ I open my mouth to say something. “N-n-yes.” _

_ A wide grin spreads across his face. “Great! Pick you up tomorrow at eight? I know this great restaurant.” _

_ I plaster a smile on my face and nod. _

 

I’m crying harder, now. Those memories will haunt me the rest of my life, and I might never be able to overcome this. I know now that I can’t be with Mark. Not after what happened.

  
I’m just going to have to go the rest of my life alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess the song without looking it up and I'll love you forever <3
> 
> Lowkey feel forever alone even though I'm in a relationship.
> 
> Had a panic attack today and I didn't know who to call so I just sat in my closet for an hour and cried.
> 
> Kill me now.


	5. Nobody Cares If You’re Losing Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I…” I want to say yes, but all I can see are a pair of grey eyes staring into my soul. I blink and suddenly Mark’s brown eyes are staring back at me. “I’m sorry, J- uh, Mark.” I pull away from his grip. “But I just can’t do this. At least not right now. Maybe ever.”
> 
> Mark wants another chance, but Sean's not budging, not after what happened in his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I love how people just happen to know the songs I use for my chapter titles. It reminds me that there are so many people out there that love the same bands and youtubers that I do <3
> 
> Sometimes I just wish that there was someone who'd just show up at my door, hug me, and tell me that everything's gonna be okay.... But I guess that's just not how life works.
> 
> Sorry, I'm going off topic. Guess the song, okay? Great.

Let me tell you something real quick. Part-time jobs **suck**. With my parents on my back about getting a job, I’m stuck working at Starbucks for minimum wage 6 days a week from 9 to 5. I absolutely hate this. Everyone is always so crabby in the morning and I’m stuck talking to all these white girls that complain about their first-world problems.

 

...And everything just got a lot worse. I turn to look at the door that just opened and the first thing I see is the bright red hair.

_Oh crap._

I duck behind the counter, hoping that he didn’t see me, but obviously I know that there are customers that I still need to serve. As casually as possible, I stand back up to meet the next customer, only to come face-to-face with Mark.

“Oh, well hello there,” he says, a smile growing on his face.

“I-I, uh, hi,” I stammer, unknowing of how to talk to him after how I last left him. “What’re you orderin’?”

“I’ll just take the same thing as what I got last time I saw you.” He smiles so genuinely that I just have to smile back.

As I prepare his drink, I turn back to look at him. “Look, I’m sorry that I left ya like that. I wasn’t really havin’ a good day and something about that whole ‘meeting my soulmate’ thing just pushed me over tha’ edge.”

Mark chuckles and pushes some of his hair out of his face. “It’s okay, Jack. I get it. It was a lot to take in.”

I hand him his coffee and grab a handful of napkins. “Tha napkins are for if some other asshole spills coffee on yer lap.”

He laughs and takes the drinks and napkins. Our fingers touch as I pass him the cup and it take all my will not to turn as red as his hair.

Mark hands me a ten and winks. “Keep the change.”

I nod and smile. “Thanks.”

He turns to leave, but then changes his mind and grabs my arm. “Hey, wait.”

“Y-y-yeah?”

“Would you… Like to try this date thing again?”

I hesitate. “I’m not sure…”

“Please, let me make it up to you for the crappy first date.” He squeezes my arms slightly, and I can feel all the blood rush to my face.

“I…” I want to say yes, but all I can see are a pair of grey eyes staring into my soul. I blink and suddenly Mark’s brown eyes are staring back at me. “I’m sorry, J- uh, Mark.” I pull away from his grip. “But I just can’t do this. At least not right now. Maybe ever.”

His smile is gone, and I can’t even stand to look at his face.

“I, uh, I I have to go now. I’m just not feeling too well. I’m sorry.”

I move past him and head for the door. I don’t bother to tell my boss where I’m going, I just go back to the hotel.

 

It’s Sunday today, and it’s raining. I get dressed to leave the room, since I don’t wanna stay inside all day. I grab a pair of black skinny jeans and my black high-tops, but I can’t find my favorite hoodie. _Shit, I forgot that I left it in the coffeeshop when I- wait, no. It’s fine. I’m fine._

I leave the building with an umbrella, unsure of where to go. I’m so busy with my thoughts that I don’t notice Mark standing outside in the rain, presumably waiting for me.

“Jack! Jack, wait,” he calls out.

“Mark?” I don’t really believe that it’s him at first. I take a step closer. It’s really him, and he’s soaking wet. “Mark, it’s you. Oh, you don’t have an umbrella. Get under here.” I grab the front of his shirt and pull him under my umbrella.

Now that he’s a lot closer, I can see his red hair dye dripping down his face. The umbrella is pretty small, so he has to stand really close to me. He’s so close that I can feel his breath on my face. I can feel goosebumps form on the back of my neck, and my hands are getting sweatier the longer I stay close to him. I’m not making any eye contact with Mark, but I can feel that he’s looking at me.

“Mark,” I finally look him in the eyes. “Mark, what’re ya doin’ here?”

He looks down at his hands and I notice now that he’s holding something that looks pretty familiar. “I-you… left this at the coffeeshop. I got it washed for you. See?” He holds up my hoodie. “Looks good as new, don’t you think?”

I’m baffled. “You… Really came over here just for this?”

Mark looks down. “I wanted to talk to you.”

I hesitate for a moment. “This isn’t a good place. I mean, look at you, you’re all wet. Here, let’s go inside to my apartment.”

I grab his hand and pull him inside.

 

“Here,” I hand him a white towel. “So you can dry yourself off.”

He takes it hesitantly. He rubs it through his hair, and I realize that I goofed up. The towel was stained completely red, as if I just used it to clean up a murder.

“Well, I guess I’m not using that towel again.” Mark looks up and smiles a little. “Eh, nevermind. You can keep it. Just don’t tell the hotel.”

I notice that his clothes are still soaked, so I dig through my suitcase and pull out a fresh set of clothes. I hand them to him, along with another towel. “You’ll catch a cold if ya don’t change out of those.”

He takes them and pulls off his shirt. I purposely turn my attention to something else in order to keep my face from turning red. Temptation leads me to sneak a peek. He’s just _so_ fit. My heart starts to beat so fast that I’m afraid that I’ll pass out if I don’t look away.

He finishes changing and he walks over to me. “Thanks so much for letting me wear some of your clothes.”

Mark’s wearing my plain blue t-shirt that seems just a little too tight on him. My skinny jeans seem to look better on him than they do on me, but maybe I’m just biased. “You look a little cold,” I say, looking him up and down. “Here,” I hand him my hoodie. “You can wear this.”

“But-” he looks at my hoodie in his hand.

“No, it’s okay. You’ll look amazing in it. I mean, er, it’ll suit you.”

He shrugs and then pulls the hoodie over his head. I was right, he does look good.

“Okay,” I try to focus on the main idea at hand. “Mark, why’d you come here?”

“Oh yeah, I wanted to talk to you.”

“Oh yeah? What about?”

He steps closer to me. “I wanted to talk to you about giving us another chance.”

Frustration starts to build inside me. “I told ya, I’m not ready. I can’t.”

“But-”

“No, Mark. I can’t. Not after what happened last time.”

“Why, what-”

“I, uh, it’s personal. I just can’t.”

“But Sean-”

“ _Don’t_ call me that,” I hiss.

He stops talking, backing away from me slightly.

I sigh. “Look, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean ta talk to you like that. You’re just being so nice to me, and I’ve just been through a lot. There was this other guy… I, uh, never mind that. There’s just a LOT going on, and I just can’t trust another guy claiming that I’m their soulmate.” I walk over to the bed and sit down, putting my head in my hands.

He sighs. “I’m not just claiming that I’m your soulmate, I _am_ your soulmate. And I don’t know what happened with this other ‘soulmate’ of yours, but I’m not like that guy. I’m not going to force you to tell me what happened. But no matter what, I won’t hurt you, I promise. I know I may not know you, but you seem like such a good person who deserves better in your life. You deserve to be happy.”

I look up to meet his eyes. “Mark, I’m broken. The last guy, he broke me.”

He sits down carefully next to me and leans in really close.

 

“Then I guess I’ll just have to help put you back together again.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As loyal readers, I'd love to hear your opinion on what you think will happen next. What do you think happened to Sean? Any theories? I'd love to hear them :)


	6. Could This Be Love At First Sight? Oh, Wait, I Said That Before

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mark seems to be able to tell that I’m nervous, because he stops me, and pulls me close. He places one hand on my upper back, and one runs through my hair. Even though I can’t see him, I know he’s watching me carefully, trying to tell if I’m okay. “Is something wrong?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess the song, I guess. Sorry it's so short, I needed some fluff filler till the angst comes back.

“Mark? Are you sure about this?”

“Yes. Keep the blindfold on.”

I can feel him pull me through a crowd of people.

“But, I don’t know where you’re taking me…”

“Just go with it, Sean.”

“I dunno, Mark…”

“Oh, come on. You trust me, don’t you?”

I hesitate.

 

_ “Come on, Sean. You trust me, don’t you?” _

_ The grey eyes are looking at me, full of hope. _

_ “I… I do, Justin.” _

_ Justin smiles. “Great. I’ll be right back, babe.” _

_ And then he walks out the door, leaving me here by myself. _

 

“I do, Mark.”

“Great. Now don’t let go of my hand. I’m not going to leave you.”

I smile, and I’m not as worried anymore.

We keep walking, and I hear passing cars, conversations between others as we make our way through the town. The noise around me rings in my ears and I can feel my heart beating faster the longer I can’t see. My breathing quickens, and I start to sweat.

Mark seems to be able to tell that I’m nervous, because he stops me, and pulls me close. He places one hand on my upper back, and one runs through my hair. Even though I can’t see him, I know he’s watching me carefully, trying to tell if I’m okay. “Is something wrong?”

“Uh, no, nothing. I’m okay.”

He pauses for a moment, his hand still running through my hair.

“You’re lying, Jack. You’re lying, but I’m not going to force you to tell me the truth. I’ll give you your time. Eventually, you’ll trust me enough to not hide these things from me. And I will try every day to help you stop being afraid of the world around you.” He gives me an innocent kiss on the forehead and then starts to untie my blindfold.

The light is blinding after being surrounded by darkness. In front of me, I see Mark setting up a small blanket and a basket.

“What’s all this?”

Mark looks up to me and smiles. “I told you I had something planned.”

He stands up and walks over to me, still smiling. “W-what’re you smiling for?”

“It’s just that you’re so cute with your tousled hair.”

I instantly blush and start to fix my hair, but he grabs my wrist. I flinch slightly, but he doesn’t notice. “No, don’t fix it.”

My muscles relax slightly when he lets go, and we head over to the blanket.

“...A picnic?”

“Oh, uh, yeah.”

“Why a picnic?”

He looks away and blushes. “Well, I’ve really developed a love for nature… Maybe because it’s so…”

“Refreshing,” I guess.

Our eyes meet and his face turns redder. “I-well, n-uh, I guess you could say that.”

We sit there in silence for a bit, nibbling on the sandwiches that Mark made, and sipping on the soda that he bought at a nearby store.

I’m the one to break the silence. “So, uh, in the time that you’ve been able to see in colour, have ya got a favourite one yet?”

Mark glances at my shirt, a green one that’s mostly covered by my leather jacket. “I dunno. I think most colours are beautiful. Like, at first, I really liked red, y’know? And then I really liked blue, but now, I don’t really know anymore.”

I nod. “Yeah, I guess that makes sense.”

“So, what about you? D’you have a favourite colour?”

I shrug, “Well, most of my stuff is green… Like, I grew up specifically asking for green everything even though I couldn’t see it… But I’m not sure anymore.”

“Well, is there any colour that you just immediately fell in love with?”

I take a peek at his face. He’s staring off into space, fascinated by the setting sun. I find myself staring at his hair, which is falling into his face. “Uh, no.” I start to blush. “I haven’t seen anything that really stands out to me yet.”

He nods, a slight frown on his face, but he doesn’t say anything. I turn away from him to watch the sun set and we sit there in silence for a while.

 

“Well, I guess I gotta get you home.” Mark stands up and offers me his hand to help me up.

I snap out of my daze. It was almost pitch black outside, apart from the stars in the sky. In the little amount of light left, I can see his face, relaxed and surprisingly happy.

“Oh, I’m sorry, must’a dozed off. Did I bore ya?”

He shakes his head. “No, I was content with watching you stare off into space. Y’know, you’re really handsome when you’re relaxed and stuff.”

I clench my jaw. “Well, I’m never relaxed, so I guess I’m not that handsome.”

He helps me up, but doesn’t let go of my hand. “You’re right. In the time that I’ve seen you, you’re always pissed off or uncomfortable.”

I roll my eyes. “I’m always like that.”

He takes my other hand and he looks deep into my eyes. “Well, I guess I’m pretty lucky. Because when you’re like that, you’re not handsome. You’re absolutely gorgeous.”

I chuckle, blushing slightly. “You’re not that bad-looking yerself.”

“I already know that. I’m probably the second best-looking person on Earth.” He lets go of my hands to strike an obnoxious confident pose. I laugh at his fake confidence.

“Well, we better go, then.” I grab his arm, ignoring his sarcastic protests, and drag him across the park to the sidewalk to go home.

 

We approach the hotel, but, before I can go in, Mark stops me.

“I had a really good time tonight.” He looks away, and runs a hand through his hair.

I smile. “Me too. I’m surprised you planned that all out on yer own. You don’t seem like the romantic type. Especially not the ‘cheesy romantic’ type.”

“I guess that means that this first-date made up for that mess of a date that first day we met, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

He smiles. “I guess I should let you go now.”

I nod, “Yeah, big day tomorrow. I got fired recently for leaving during my shift. Gotta find a new job, and I need to find a permanent place ta live, since this piece of shite hotel is expensive, yet it sucks.”

Mark’s expression changes to this ‘I’ve-got-an-idea’ face.

“Why don’t you live with me?”

I’m stunned. “W-wha…”

“I-uh,” he stutters, as if he regrets saying it, “I mean, if you wanna. I have an extra room in my apartment. I was gonna move to a house in a few months, but for now, you can have the room if you want.”

“Uh, are you sure?”

He nods, finally regaining his confidence. “Yeah, totally. It’d be nice to have a new roommate. Especially a roommate as cute as you.”

I’m still on the fence, but the thought of having to stay at this hotel seems to convince me. “Er, uh, okay. If you don’t mind having me as company.”

Mark smiles, satisfied with my response. “That’s great! Oh, but, you’re not allergic to dogs, are you?”

“No, not at all.”

“Great, it’s settled, you can move in tomorrow. I got a stable job, so I can pay for your rent until you get settled.”

“Oh, thanks.”

He sighs, content with this new plan.

“Thanks for spending your day with me,” he says. “I’m so glad you agreed to go out with me again.”

I smile. “I’m really glad I went.”

We both go silent, staring into each other’s eyes. Mark begins to lean in, and I already know what he’s going to do.  _ I’m ready. This is fine. It’s Mark.  _ He’s getting closer and I close my eyes, my hands starting to sweat.

 

_ “Justin, what’re you doing?” _

_ “Shh, don’t worry about it, baby. I’m not going to hurt you.” _

 

My eyes open quickly and I see that Mark’s lips are only an inch away from mine. I turn my head to the side, and his lips make contact with my cheek. The contact sends shivers down my spine and I can feel my heart beating faster. He pulls away, looking disappointed and slightly hurt, and I back away from him, feeling terrible for my previous action.

“I’m sorry,” I said, not sure what to do, “I’m just not ready for that yet.”

His face softens. “It’s okay,” he replies, though I sense a hint of sadness in his voice.

“Yer not upset, are ya?”

“No, not at all. You’re not ready, and you told me. I’m not going to force you to do anything you’re not ready for. It takes time, and I understand that.”

I sigh in relief. “Thank you.”

He smiles back at me. “No problem.”

He turns to leave, but I stop him. My mind is telling me not to do it, but I ignore it and wrap my arms around his torso, bringing him in for a hug. I bury my face in his shirt to hide my embarrassment. He smells like… I’m not sure how to say it… Well, he smells like warmth and affection, if that makes sense. I have no other way to put it.

I let go of him, and his hand lingers on my shoulder.

“Remember to pack your things. I’ll come pick you up tomorrow at 9:30, and we’ll go to my house. Well,  _ our  _ house, now.”

I nod, my mouth unable to form words.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Sean.”

I wave until he’s out of sight and then run upstairs to start packing.

 

_ This is going to be interesting. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you have any predictions to what happened, just comment below your ideas. I love you hear your opinions. :3


	7. Things Have Changed For Me, And That's Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “You ready to go?”
> 
> “I think so.”
> 
> “Well, then I hope you’re excited to meet Chica.”
> 
> “Uh, who?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't been updating recently, I've been busy with school.

I stare at the suitcase in front of me. Clothes of all different colours lie all over the bed surrounding the bag. Something doesn’t feel right in the pit of my stomach and I’m afraid of what lies ahead of me.  _ Is this the end? Is this all that the world has left for me?  _

I’m not sure why, but I’m worried that something might go wrong. Mark seems too perfect. Nobody could ever be that perfect, nobody.

_ “Justin, are you sure you’re okay with it?” _

_ He smiles. “Of course, Sean. We planned for this, remember?” _

_ “But,” I hesitate. Something doesn’t feel right. “What if it’s too early in our relationship? What if we’re too young to move in together?” _

_ Justin steps towards me. “We’re soulmates, remember? It’ll be fine.” _

_ My heart jumps a bit. He wraps his hands around my waist and pulls me closer. “Y-you sure?” _

_ He kisses me. His lips are rough and it leaves a strange taste in my mouth. “Yes. You trust me, don’t you?” _

_ I look him in the eyes. Grey. I take a deep breath. “Yes.” _

  
  


There’s a knock on the door and I open it to see Mark in front of me.

“It’s 9:30. You ready?”

I blush slightly. His hair’s a mess. “You look like ye just woke up.”

He nods. “Oh, uh, yeah. I slept through my alarms.”

I raise an eyebrow. “ _ Alarms?  _ Like, more than one?”

Mark chuckles. “Yeah. I don’t usually have a set time to wake up, y’know?”

“What  _ do  _ you do for a livin’?”

“Oh, well. I make videos on the internet.”

My face goes red. “Uh, oh. Right. Didn’t expect that.”

“Oh, no, no. That’s not what I meant. No, I don’t do,” he clears his throat, “that.”

“Uh, okay. Care to explain while I finish packing?”

“Yeah, okay,” he begins while I turn back to my suitcase.

“I make gaming videos on this website called YouTube.”

“YouTube, huh?” I fold up some shirts. “I’ve heard of that site. Are ya internet famous or somethin’?”

“Well, not exactly. I have become a meme, though.” Mark watches me as I place what little bit of crap I brought with me into the suitcase.

“What’s yer channel name? I wanna look ya up when I have tha chance.”

“You might have heard of me, actually. I have a pretty popular YouTube channel. My channel name is Markiplier.”

I shrug. “Sounds familiar. My siblings talk about youtube gamers a bunch. I think they’ve talked about ya before.”

“Siblings?”

“Yeah, I got two brothers and two sisters.”

“That’s cool, I guess.”

“If ya don’t mind, I’d rather not talk about them.”

“Oh, sore subject?”

I sigh, “No, not really. There just isn’t much to tell.”

“Oh. Okay.”

 

I zip up my bag and turn to face him.

“You ready to go?”

“I think so.”

“Well, then I hope you’re excited to meet Chica.”

“Uh, who?”

  
  


We’re standing in front of a door. Mark’s fiddling with the keys while I stare at it, intimidated. It’s a pretty nice-looking building. I saw the lobby, and it already looks a million times better than the crappy hotel I was staying in.  _ “It’s not that much, but I hope you like it.” Not that much? Are ya fookin’ kidding me?  _

“Well, here we are,” Mark says, picking out the right key and inserting it into the lock. “Be aware that Chica might come to greet you. She can seem intimidating at first, but she’s super adorable.”

“Wait, wha-” But I’m interrupted by Mark unlocking and opening the door.

I reach for my bag, but Mark had already grabbed it for me and he brings it in. Cautiously stepping through the doorway, I’m about to ask Mark where my room is when something or someone jumps on me and knocks me over. I close my eyes and brace myself for death or at least a mild mauling, but instead I’m greeted with sloppy licks across the face.

“What tha fu-”

“Chica,” I hear Mark say behind me.

Immediately, Chica jumps off me and trots over to Mark. I open my eyes to see the most adorable golden retriever puppy in the entire world. Mark plops himself on the floor next to her and he starts scratching her behind the ears.

“Hello my lil pupper,” he says as Chica wags her tail in response to the attention. “How is my little baby?” She seems pretty big, but Mark picks her up with no problem and starts bouncing her up and down in his arms.

I’m still watching this absolutely charming man-baby treat his dog like a baby when he looks up at me, an amused look on his face. He puts Chica down on the floor and she cautiously makes her way over to me before plopping herself on the floor next to me. I squat down so I’m making eye contact with her. “Let me guess,” I say kinda sarcastically, “you’re Chica.” Her ears perk up at me and her tail starts wagging again.

“The one and only,” Mark says behind me.

“Well, aren’t you tha cutest,” I say to the pup, patting her gingerly on the head.

“Why, thank you,” I hear Mark say.

I turn to him. “I was talkin’ to tha dog.”

His face falls. “Oh.”

I stand up and walk over to my stuff. “Well, maybe not just to the pup,” I mumble.

“I heard that,” Mark calls out.

I blush, and finally say, “Well, where’s that extra room you were talking about yesterday?”

“Down the hall on the right,” he replies, a smirk on his face and a faint blush on his cheeks. “I’ll show you. Follow me.”

He grabs my wrist and I flinch away from him. “Oh, uh sorry,” he says. He and I stand there for a second, the tension thick. I take a deep breath, and hold out my hand. Mark smiles wide, and takes it. He leads me slowly down the hall to the room he was talking about.

“Thanks Mark,” I say, looking away from him.

“No problem.” He pauses, and then says, “Hey, are you okay?”

I look up finally at him. His eyes are filled with concern and his smile is gone. He’s worried about me.  _ When was the last time someone cared this much about me? _

“Oh, yeah. I guess I’m just kinda tired,” I lie.

“That’s not true. I can tell,” he says immediately. This catches me off guard.

“Wha-”

“You’ve been lying. You weren’t okay the last time I asked you either. Why won’t you tell me the truth?”

“Because… Because…” I can’t seem to find the words to explain. “Beca-”

“Because you’re afraid?”

I try to swallow the lump forming in my throat, and I nod.

“Afraid that I’ll hurt you?”

I nod again.

“...Like the last guy?” He says this very quietly.

I hesitate for a moment, and then nod.

He’s silent for a moment. I can feel tears welling up in my eyes and I attempt to swallow the lump in my throat again. It hurts to breathe.

“I know you won’t trust me when I say this,” he starts, “but I swear to God that I’m not going to hurt you. I will take care of you, I promise.” I can tell he’s upset slightly, but I’m certain that he’s being genuine.

“I… I trust you.”

“Really?” His eyes are filled with hope and something else that I’ve never seen before.  _ Genuine… Love? _

I nod, and plaster a smile on my face.

“Hey, I wanna show you something,” he says, changing the subject.

“What is it?”

“Wait,” he says, “until you’re done unpacking. Then I’ll take you.”

“Where?”

“Why, to my office, of course. I bet you’ll love my friends.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess the song is my new favourite game. Guess it and I'll be your best friend :)


	8. My Friends and I, We Got a Lot of Problems

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Sean, this is Ethan.”
> 
> I smile, “I like your hair.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Name the song?  
> Also, sorry for not updating in a while.

 

I’m following Mark through a hallway of a building that seems almost completely empty. It’s painted a boring white and all the doors are closed. I can hear shouting from behind all the doors, each labeled with a different name.  _ Game Grumps… Team Edge… What is this place?  _

Mark leads me to the end of the hallway to a door marked ‘Markiplier’. He raises his hand to knock on the door, but he turns to me first.

“Sean, are you up for meeting my crew?”

“Uh… Your crew?”

“They’re the people that help me with my channel. My editors, my friends…”

“Oh, uh…” I know I’m not much of a social person, but Mark looks so excited.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to, but I assure you that they’re really great people.”

I swallow my fear and nod. Mark smiles, and holds out his hand to me. I look at it for a second before taking it in my own hand. I’m not sure why, but the warmth of his hand relaxed me significantly.

“Well, I’m as ready as I’ll ever be,” I say to him, smiling.

He nods, and then knocks on the door with his other hand. I hear a few voices whispering behind the door and then it all goes silent. Then I hear footsteps and suddenly the door opens in front of us. A guy sticks his head out from behind the door. He has stunning blue hair and a boy-ish face. He can’t be over 20.

“Oh, hey Mark. We were hoping it was you.” He eyes our interlocked fingers, then looks up at me. “Who’s this?”

“Oh, yeah. This,” Mark gestures to me, “is Sean, but you can call him Jack.”

Mark’s friend stick out his hand from behind the door. I move to shake it, but I drop my hand quickly, suddenly discouraged by the unfamiliar person before me. He realizes this and drops his hand too. “Nice to meet you, Jack.”

Mark gestures to his friend still hiding behind the door.

“Sean, this is Ethan.”

I smile, “I like your hair.”

  
  


“So, this is the office,” Ethan says, gesturing to the room we’re now standing in.

I look around, amazed. Three desks with giants computers sat atop them sit in the bottom-right corner of the room. A couch is placed right in the middle of the room. On the left, there’s a small kitchen area that doesn’t look like it’s ever been used. Three people are also in the room, none of which I recognize. One of them, a tall, brown-haired man is setting up controllers and plugging in a gaming console to the television that sits ten-ish meters away from the couch. A girl with blonde hair is pouring crisps into a bowl while a girl with brown hair and glasses was rushing around the room awkwardly, trying to look busy.

Ethan points to the blonde girl. “That’s Amy.”

Amy stands up, looks at me and smiles. “You were right, Mark. Your soulmate really is cute.”

“Back off Amy,” Mark says in a teasing voice, “this one’s mine.”

“ _ Anyways, _ ” Ethan says, interrupting the two. “That girl over there,” he points to the girl who is now awkwardly standing by the couch, not really looking at me, “is Kathryn.”

Kathryn doesn’t look up from the floor, but she raises her hands and waves, which is more of a finger wiggle.

The last guy, the brown-haired one, stands up straight, looking satisfied with his setup, looks at Mark, Ethan, and me. He walks up to beside Ethan, but doesn’t say anything.

“And  _ this one _ ,” Ethan says, wrapping his arms around the guy’s torso, “is Tyler, my boyfriend.”

Tyler kisses Ethan on the cheek, and then buries his face into his blue hair.

“So, are you two…” My voice trails off, and I look from Amy to Kathryn.

“Oh, no, we aren’t together. Kat has a boyfriend and I still haven’t found that perfect person yet.”

I look awkwardly at the ground. “Oh, sorry.”

“No, no. Don’t worry about it. Livin’ the single life is pretty fun,” she says, a smile forming.

“So,” Ethan says, peacefully petting Tyler lovingly on the head, “you guys wanna play some video games?”

  
  


“So, Sean,” Amy says after a while of playing Mario Kart on the television. “What’d you do before you met Mark?”

“Well, er…” I don’t really enjoy thinking about my past, but these guys seem genuinely nice. “I was livin’ in Ireland with ma folks fer a while, then I moved in with some o’ my buddies inta the country and we all worked in a pub after university…”

“And then…?”

“And then… Then I moved in with my friend Justin. He and I lived in an apartment. Justin worked in a restaurant and I found a job in a clothing store.”

“So why’d you move here,” Tyler asks, still focused on the game that he was playing with Mark, Ethan, and Kathryn.

“I…” I hesitate, not sure if I really want to tell them. “I wanted a fresh start. I dunno, really.”

“...And then you met Mark?”

“Yeah,” I say, nodding.

“What do you do for work now?”

I freeze. I don’t have a job anymore. I have no idea what my next step is yet.

“Well, Sean’s in between jobs now,” Mark cuts in for me, sensing my worry. “I asked him to move in with me until he can support himself.”

“Aw, how sweet,” Ethan says in a mocking voice.

“Oh, shut up,” Mark snaps at him.

“You’re lucky your soulmate makes a good amount of money,” Tyler says, nudging me with his elbow. “Youtubers make good money, you know.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, a LOT.”

“And why does that matter,” I ask, unsure of why he’s bringing it up.

“No reason,” Tyler says.

“You doofus,” Ethan mutters, elbowing Tyler hard in the ribs. “Don’t lie to Jack. We don’t lie to our friends.”

“Geez, Ethan. Don’t hurt me…” Tyler rubs his elbow, feigning hurt.

“Oh, baby,” Ethan says sarcastically, “I’m  _ so  _ sorry. I didn’t mean to. You’re just so…”

“Amazing? Handsome? Talented?”

“...annoying. Dumb.  _ Egotistical. _ ”

Tyler laughs. “Fair enough.”

“But, Sean… Tyler was asking because he wanted to know if you were…”

Ethan’s voice trailed off, but I knew what he meant. “Oh.”

_ Is that what they think I’m doing? Do they think that I’d do something like that? After what’s already happened to me?  _ My hands clench tightly in my lap and my mouth forms a thin straight line. I don’t realize that I’m physically unable to breathe until Mark grabs my wrists and shakes me slightly.

“Sean? Are you okay? Talk to me,” he says, worry causing his voice to go a little higher than normal.

“‘M okay,” I say through clenched teeth, “I jus’ need some air, that’s all.”

Mark quickly lets go of my wrists… or maybe I yank them out of his reach… I don’t really know, but I walk out in a hurry and close the door behind me. I slump against the wall that divides me from the people inside. With my head leaned against the wall, I can hear Mark talking (well, yelling) at them.

“You idiots! Why the hell would you ask him something like that?!”

“We didn’t want him to hurt you! We’re sorry!”

“Why? You thought he was using me? For god’s sake, I ask you guys to behave for once, and you decide to ask Jack if he’s with me only for my money!!! Unbelievable!”

“We’re sorry, geez!!!”

“Sorry’s not enough right now! Sean’s been through a lot in life and I wanted to make up for all the shit he’s had to endure! He didn’t know shit about my job, so he couldn’t be with me only for my money!”

The yelling stops, and I can hear muffled voices from behind the wall.

“You really care about him, don’t you?”

“Yes, very much.”

“And you’d do anything for him, wouldn’t you?”

“Well, wouldn’t you do the same for Ethan?”

Silence.

“Yes.”

“Wouldn’t you do everything you can to make him forget his past?”

“Yes.”

Silence again.

I hear footsteps, and the door opens. Mark is standing in front of me, a slightly false smile on his face.

“I’m sorry to leave you like this, Sean, but I have some recording to do. Would you mind waiting in the office while I go into the room next door to film some videos?”

I hesitate, glancing slightly at the open door behind him.

Mark leans in slowly, so close that I can smell his shampoo. “I promise they won’t ask you anymore questions. They’re all really sweet, I swear. They just want what’s best for me.”

I inhale his scent, which seems to calm me. “...Okay.”

  
  


I sit on the couch, legs crossed, my hands rested in my lap, fists clenched tight. The others have left me alone pretty much the entire time, except for Amy, who had brought me tea and some biscuits before promptly plopping herself down beside me, except leaving a space between us. She doesn’t say anything, but I can tell she’s watching me out of the corner of my eye.

A few more minutes pass and I start hearing yelling from the room that Mark is in. I smile, noting that his voice goes two pitches higher when he screams. This is when Amy decides to speak.

“You know, Mark might sound energetic when he’s filming, but this is genuine excitement. I haven’t heard that in him in so long.”

I continue to stare straight ahead of me.

“He really likes you. Mark even refuses to let us call you by your real name.”

I look at her out of the corner of my eye.

“We all have a past, Jack,” she says, scootching slightly closer to me, “not all can be good.”

I look away, my hand relaxing slightly.

She places a hand on my shoulder. “All of us are troubled. We all need Mark, and he was there for us, never asking anything from us. See, he’s been through some stuff himself, I’m not entirely sure what. He’s never relied fully on us, he certainly doesn’t need us, but we all know he’ll never leave us. But something’s different now. Something’s changed.”

I turn to face her. “Changed?”

“Of course,” I hear Ethan say behind me. “You never saw him before. He used to be… Well, different.”

“But ever since you came along,” Tyler says, “He’s had more of a pep in his step. I even remember the first thing he said when he came to work after meeting you.”

“He said, ‘My life got a whole lot brighter.’ He wouldn’t stop smiling.” Amy’s grinning now.

“We knew at that moment that he finally found his soulmate, the one he could finally trust.”

“If he needs you, Jack,” Amy says, clasping my hands, “then we need you too.”

I take a second to look around me. All four of them are surrounding me, looking at me. Their faces are all very hopeful, and I can see now their genuine intentions to protect Mark.

In the background, I can hear Mark yelling.  _ He must be happy. _

I smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A few life updates: I've been going through a lot. I broke up with my boyfriend. I went to Florida for spring break to think. Turns out I really like one of my friends, but I still care for my ex, so idk what to do. For a good three days, I was in this dark place that I hadn't been in in so long. I self-harmed again for the first time since December.
> 
> But enough about me, I'm not important.
> 
> so, guess the song, I guess


	9. Take My Hand and Never Be Afraid Again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I take a few moments to try and figure out the situation, but I really can’t. I think about leaving the room, but instead I sit beside him on his bed, so close that our bodies are touching slightly. I can feel the warmth travel from him to me, and I can’t help but smile at the feeling that it sends through my body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, sorry. Short chapter. Also, feeling a lot better.

I wake up to the sound of sniffling.  _ Something’s wrong.  _ I get up slowly and head to the source of the sound, still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes. Unknowingly, I walk into Mark’s room. There, I see my soulmate curled up in a ball, his head in his lap, quietly sobbing.

“Mark?” I take a step closer to him. “Mark, are you okay?”

No answer. Behind me, I hear Chica trot into the room. She stops, looks between Mark and me, and then growls at me, obviously thinking that I did something to hurt him. A few seconds later, she realizes what’s going on, and she quickly wobbles over to her owner, licking his hand to try and cheer him up.

_ I don’t know what to do. What’s going on? _

I take a few moments to try and figure out the situation, but I really can’t. I think about leaving the room, but instead I sit beside him on his bed, so close that our bodies are touching slightly. I can feel the warmth travel from him to me, and I can’t help but smile at the feeling that it sends through my body.

“Mark, please tell me what’s going on.”

Nothing.

I think back to the conversations we’ve had over the past few days.  _ What has he told me about himself since we met? Uh… Can’t drink alcohol, loves his dog, has a youtube channel… Has nightmares! That’s it! _

“Mark, did you have a nightmare?”

He stops sobbing, but his face remains buried in his lap.

“Yes? Okay. Can you tell me what it was about?”

He shakes his head slightly.

I sigh, slightly defeated. “Well, if you’re not gonna talk, I’ll just talk to you. Would you like that?”

He nods a little bit.

A wave of relief crashes over me.  _ ‘The one he could finally trust’, huh? I guess I’ll have ta live up to that. _

I wrap an arm around him, pulling him closer. For a second, I feel like a made a mistake, but I feel Mark relax in my arms, so I don’t let go. Resting my chin on the top of his head, I inhale his scent, smiling to myself when I realize that he’s nuzzled into the crook of my neck.

“Ya know, Mark,” I whisper into his hair, “I heard what you said to your friends the other day. You defended me. I don’t know anyone else who would do that for me.”

I pull away from him, just far enough away so I can look him in the eyes. He’s not facing me, so I put my hands on his face to gently guide him to look at me.

“You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.”

I rest my forehead against his. He isn’t crying anymore and I wipe his face with my thumbs. “You have made my life a whole lot brighter. Thank you.”

He stares at me blankly for a few seconds, and then he finally smiles. I get this feeling in my stomach, a feeling that doesn’t feel right to act on in this moment. Instantly I feel my face grow hot, and my palms start to sweat.  _ Could I really be… _

I watch Mark get up and head to the bathroom to take a shower. My mind starts to wander slightly, but I quickly shake it off.

_...falling for him? _

Chica follows him into the bathroom unnoticed by the red-haired man until suddenly there’s a small bark followed by a scream from Mark. I turn to see the bathroom door open and a shirtless Mark is standing at the doorway, pushing Chica out of the bathroom and into his room.

_ No,  _ I shake my head.  _ It couldn’t be. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess the song and I'll be your friend. <3


	10. But Who Could Love Me, I Am Out of My Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Are you sure you’re okay?”  
> “Yeah, I’m okay. Everything’s fine.”
> 
> “Sean, you’re not okay. Is something going on?”  
> “No, nothing. Everything’s okay.”
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING: MENTIONS OF *cough* THINGS... PLZ DON'T KILL ME

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, there's a lot of angst, but it will be okay, I swear.
> 
> Also, things have been getting a lot better in my life. I'm happier now. Yesterday was my one month with my bf and I feel like I have someone to talk to again. But enough about me, let's get back into the story. Sorry I haven't uploaded in a while.

There’s a knocking at my door, and Mark enters my room very slowly, closing the door behind me. I don’t look up because I’m on my computer checking my emails. I’m sitting on my bed, Chica lying next to me with her head plopped in my lap and my computer positioned in front of me.

“Hey, Jack,” he starts, “I just wanted to say thanks for yesterday.”

I glance up at him, he’s looking a little tense, but less distraught than yesterday morning. My face grows hot for no apparent reason, so I turn my attention to my computer, refreshing the page.

He sits down beside me, Chica lifting her head slightly so that Mark can pet her. “I’m sorry you had to see me like that. I didn’t want you to see me in such a weak place like that, but now that you have, I’m glad that there’s nothing I have to hide from you.”

A new email pops up, and I glance at the name before quickly shutting my laptop.  _ Nope. Nopenopenopenopenope. This can’t be happening. Not right now. _

“I know I can trust you now. And I hope that one day you can trust me the same way. Maybe we can start slow.”

I look up at him, but my mind is on the email that I’m just so tempted to read. Chica looks up at me, as if sensing the nerves radiating off of me. Mark senses it too, and he glances at my computer. 

“...Is something bothering you?”

I hesitate. “No, no. I’m totally fine. It’s just this email that I received…”

“What’s it about?”

I shrug, still staring at my computer. “I don’t know. I haven’t opened it.”

“Then what’s the matter?”

“It’s… It’s…” I can’t get the words out.

He reaches for my hand, and I take it. “Can you read it to me?”

My grip tightens, and I shake my head.

“Okay…” He thinks for a moment. “May I read it for you?”

I nod and turn the computer to face him. He opens it, clicks on the email, and his eyes begin to scan the letter. It must be for only a few seconds, but to me it feels like hours. His face softens slightly, and he looks back at me.

“Justin says hello and that he’s going to be in LA soon.”

I feel my blood run cold. My heart stops beating. I don’t snap back into reality until Mark tells me that my nails are digging into his skin. I let go and get up from my spot on the bed. Both him and Chica follow.

“What’s wrong? Who’s Justin?”

I shake my head. “No, no. It’s fine. He’s just some guy.”

“Is he your ex?”

I stop pacing. “How’d you know he was my ex?”

“Well, nobody just says ‘some guy’ without it being someone you never want to see or talk about.”

“Oh. Yeah. Right. Sorry.” I start to pace again, but he grabs my wrists to keep me from walking around.

“Why are you apologizing? You didn’t do anything wrong. What happened?”

I break one of my hands loose to run it through my hair. “Nothing, it’s fine.”

He pulls me closer to me. “You know you can talk to me. Please, I’m begging you. Can you tell me?”

I pull my other wrist loose too. This one was a lot harder to do, because his grip tightened after I pulled the first one from his grip. I back away a bit, my breath starting to quicken. I sit down, hugging my knees.

“Sean, why won’t you talk to me? Please, open up. You know you can trust me.”

The truth is trying to force itself out of me, and I try to fight it, knowing that once he finds out, he won’t want to be with me. He’s going to change his mind about me.

I drop to the floor, covering my ears. I can’t bear to listen to Mark yell at me. Memories are flooding back from just him standing over me.

 

_ “Justin, stop!!!” I struggle to get away, but he’s holding me down. _

_ “Come on, Sean,” he whispers into my ear. It sends tingles down my spine. _

_ “No, get off of me,” I whimper. _

_ “You know you like it, Sean. Just go with it.” _

_ “Stop, please,” I sob. I’m trying everything I can, but there’s nothing I can do. There’s nowhere I can go. _

 

“No, please.” I’m crying all of a sudden.

Mark stops. He quickly drops to his knees, but doesn’t touch me. “Jack? What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

I’m rocking back and forth, my head spinning as the memories of all that pain comes back to me.

 

_ “Sean,” Justin whispers into my ear, “just let this happen. You’re going to like this, I know you will.” _

_ “Please,” I can barely get out the words, “I can’t. You can’t do this.” _

_ “Shhhh,” he covers my mouth with his hand as he forces me to the ground. “Let this happen.” _

 

“Sean, please tell me what’s going on. What’s happening?”

I just shake my head and bite down on my tongue so hard that I can taste blood in my mouth.

“Please, I need to know you’re okay.”

He reaches out to me and touches my arm, but I push him away and back myself up into the corner of the room. “DON’T TOUCH ME!!!”

Mark puts his hands up, showing that he’s not going to make any attempt to make any physical contact with me. “Okay, okay. Just breathe.” He takes a step closer, and I flinch away. I can’t let him get closer to me. “Sean, can you tell me what’s going on?”

 

_ “Sean, what’s going on between you and Justin?” _

_ “Nothing, everything’s fine.” _

 

_ “Jack, is Justin hurting you?” _

_ “No, I’m fine. He’s just great.” _

 

_ “Are you sure you’re okay?” _

_ “Yeah, I’m okay. Everything’s fine.” _

 

_ “Sean, you’re not okay. Is something going on?” _

_ “No, nothing. Everything’s okay.” _

 

“Please, baby. What happened to you?”

I stand up suddenly. “HE BROKE ME, OKAY???”

Silence.

“I’M NOT OKAY, I HAVEN’T BEEN OKAY IN TEN YEARS!!! FOR GOD’S SAKE, HE  _ DEFILED  _ ME!!! HE RUINED MY LIFE, AND NOW I CAN NEVER LOVE ANYONE AGAIN!!!”

Mark opens his mouth as if to say something, but then closes it again. He just sits there on the floor, gawking. His jaw is clenched and his face is hard and unchanging. The room is spinning, and the only thing that reminds me that I’m not dreaming is the sour taste of blood in my mouth. I’m still crying, and blood is dripping from my mouth onto the carpet. He then breaks eye contact with me to stare at his hands.

After what feels like a lifetime, he finally looks back into my eyes. He looks as if he just found out that I killed a person. He voice is barely a whisper. “Are you saying that…”

I nod, and fall back to the floor as I sob.

Mark’s facial expression softens, and his eyes show clear sign of heartbreak. I curl into a ball and sob hard. Less than a second later, I feel a strong set of arms around me.

“I promise I won’t let anything happen to you ever again. As long as I’m a part of your life, nobody can hurt you. I’ll be here for you, now and forever.”

I lift my head up from my knees, and see that Mark’s face is only centimeters away from my own.

“Y-you don't want to be with me. I’m broken. Your soulmate is broken, who could love someone as broken as me?”

Mark just smiles softly and he leans in to kiss me. His lips are soft against mine, and the kiss is gentle and sweet, nothing more but pure love resonates between us.

I break the kiss so I can breathe. His eyes sparkle, and I can see my blood on his lips. I wipe off his mouth and I smile weakly. “I love you, Mark.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Game Time: guess the song, guess the artist, earn my friendship. The only rule is you can't look it up on the Internet. If you don't know it this time around, you can guess it the next time.


	11. Stop Burning Bridges and Drive Off Them So I Can Forget Everything About You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hello, Sean-”  
> “Don’t you dare call me that. You’ve lost your privilege to call me by my real name,” I growl.  
> Justin smiles, and it makes my blood boil. That smile, all perfect and shiny, hides the true evil that can be seen if you look deep into his eyes, if you were to get to know him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To make up for not posting in awhile, I'm posting twice in a week. It's fine really, I had most of this chapter written for a while.

“Get up, Sean!” I hear knocking from my bedroom door, Mark is really excited today. “We’re going shopping today after we stop by the office!”

I groan and pull the covers over my face. The apartment goes quiet for a few seconds before I hear my door open and the little jingle of Chica’s collar makes its way into my room. She jumps onto the bed and crawls under the covers to lick my face.

“Alright, alright. I’m up, get of o’ me, Chica.” I push her away from me, but she starts to whimper, so I give her a short hug before kicking the covers off of me and heading to the bathroom.

I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. My hair is getting pretty long, the bags from many sleepless nights have started to fade ever since I came here, and I can tell that those days of working out with Mark are starting to pay off, since my muscles are starting to get more defined.  _ I’m so happy nowadays, but why does something feel so off?  _ I can hear more knocking on my door, so I yell “I’m up, just hold yer horses, I need ta take a shower first!”

I look at myself again, this time slightly less satisfied. But I shrug it off for the moment, and start to undress to take my shower.

 

“Hey Jack,” Amy says as I’m finishing up a round of Mario Kart while I wait for Mark to finish recording. “Have you ever wondered what you’d be doing if you hadn’t met Mark?”

I look up at her for a moment, noting that she looks particularly sad today.

“Not very much…” She looks away. “Are ya okay, Amy?”

She shrugs, “I dunno. I keep thinking that I’m better off without meeting that special someone, but…” she trails off.

I get up from the couch and walk towards her, placing a hand gently on her back. “But…?”

Her eyes meet mine. I can see the tears starting to well up. “But what if I never meet them? What if I never feel what it’s like to fall in love? Do you know how badly I want to see colour?”

My breath catches,  _ I never really thought about meeting Mark, so I guess I never really knew what it was like to worry about this. _ “Look. I can’t say that I know what it feels like, but I can say that being alone is better than being with the wrong person.”

Her eyes narrow, the tears flowing steadily from her eyes. “How so?”

“I never thought I’d meet my soulmate either. But now that I have, I can say that it feels amazing… But I had to travel thousands of miles from my home. There’s no promising that you’ll find your soulmate here in LA, but you never know. I promise it’s worth the wait.”

She buries her head into my chest, I can feel my shirt start to get wet as she continues to cry. “But what if it’s just my destiny to be alone forever?”

I wrap my arms around her, stroking her hair with one of my hands. “Yer a good person. I can’t say that I believe in destiny, but I do believe in some sort o’ karma. For every good thing you’ve done for me and the others, I doubt life will leave you without yer soulmate. Just hang in there.”

She pulls away from me, smiling her ever so charming smile. “Thanks, Jack. Mark is lucky to have you as a boyfriend. I’m lucky to have you as a friend.”

I smile back at her. “You deserve the world. I’m lucky to have met you.”

 

Mark and I leave the office, making jokes about the game he was playing. We make plans to eat at a diner nearby and then head to the closest mall to pick out some new video equipment for me. I decided that maybe making a few videos could pass some time as I wait for a store to call me back for an interview. After all those resumes I mailed out, I feel like I need something.

“So, let’s start with lunch. If we start walking now, we can make it there before it starts raining. Then we can use my bus pass to go to the ma- oh shit.” He’s feeling his back pocket for his phone. “I left my phone in the office. Could you hang here for a moment while I run back and grab it?”

I nod, letting a little smile slip when he brushes my hand slightly.  _ It won’t be long, it’s fine. I trust he’ll come back. _

He turns to leave, and I watch as he walks across the street and into the building. I’m smiling to myself, thinking about how amazing Mark really is. He’s actually so perfect. _He’s loving, and trusting, and-_ My thoughts are interrupted by someone tapping me on the shoulder. I turn to see who it is and immediately my blood runs cold. I back up from the man standing in front of me, curling into myself. _Why the hell is he here?_

“Hello, Sean-”

“Don’t you dare call me that. You’ve lost your privilege to call me by my real name,” I growl.

Justin smiles, and it makes my blood boil. That smile, all perfect and shiny, hides the true evil that can be seen if you look deep into his eyes, if you were to get to know him.

“Wow, feisty. I like it,” he grins. “You gained some confidence over these past few years.”

“You have no right to talk to me as if you’re my friend.”

“Oh, but we were close.” He gets close to my ear. “So close, if I can remember correctly.”

“Hey!” I push him away from me. I don’t want that monster to be near me, let alone talk to me.

“Is there a problem, here?” I hear a deep voice next to me, along with a strong arm wrapped around my lower back.

“Oh, you must be the ‘soulmate’,” Justin smiles slyly. “You know, I was his ‘soulmate’ before-”

“Bullshit,” Mark interrupts him. I reflexively place my hand on Mark’s chest, partly in a loving way, but also in a way that I’d be able to hold him back if he tries to punch Justin.

“You’re just jealous of the connection we had before you came along,” Justin sneers.

My blood’s boiling and I can see Mark’s fists tighten out of the corner of my eye.

“You just don’t get it, do you?” Mark’s voice is dark and flat. “You’re not wanted here. Jack doesn’t need you in his life, so you can just go now.”

“Mark, it’s okay.” I try to calm him down, because I know things will blow up if Justin gets too deep under his skin.

“No, it’s not okay, Sean,” Mark says sharply, turning to me.

“He’s right, Mark,” Justin starts, “I’m not gonna do anythin’.”

“Then why the hell are you here,” Mark snarls.

“Well, I moved here with ma fiancee,” Justin says nonchalantly.

“Who?” I say, curiously. “Are they your soulmate? Cuz it sure as hell wasn’t me.”

“Oh, yeah. Signe is perfect. My one true love.”

“Really,” Mark says, unconvinced. “You’re serious?”

“Of course,” Justin says, grinning wider. “She’s perfect.”

“Then, tell me,” Mark says, “what colour is my hair?”

“Blue,” he says quickly, as he looks in my direction, “just like Sean’s eyes.”

I glance at Mark’s hair. Bright red, just like before. “Like, I said,” Mark mutters. “You’re talking through your ass.”

“Well, she might not be my ‘soulmate’,” Justin is still looking at me, “but she’s so fookin’ beautiful. She might be more gullible than Sean was.”

I could feel Mark’s muscles tense in my grip. Justin is eyeing Mark’s hand around my waist.

“I see you’ve finally gotten over me.”

My frustration is starting to show. “You lied to me,” I mumble. “You wasted years of my life.”

“What are you talking about?” Justin crosses his arms over his chest defensively. “You were lucky to have me.”

Mark scoffs. “Sean was lucky you left.”

“You don’t know anything about what we had together.”

I shake my head slowly. “Mark knows enough.”

“You know I was the best thing that ever happened to you.”

“Oh sure,” I finally say. “Of course everyone deserves someone like you in their life. You are the reason I don’t trust people. You are why I have nightmares. You could never be considered a good thing, you’re a MONSTER.”

Justin puts a hand to his heart. “That hurts, Jack. I never did anything wrong.”

“You never did anything wrong, you say? For God’s sake, you RAPED me, Justin!”

Mark’s head turns quickly to me. “What?”

“You wanted it. You were asking for it,” Justin says.

“No, I didn’t,” I say through grit teeth. Tears are streaming down my face.

Mark pulls me to his chest, so that I no longer have to look at Justin’s face. “I think it’s best that you leave.”

I hear Justin start to protest, but Mark interrupts him. “Leave. NOW.”

I hear footsteps, and then I feel Mark’s hand run through my hair.

“He left. He’s gone now. You’re okay now,” he whispers in my ear.

I lift my head from his chest. He’s staring at me with the utmost concern. I expect him to be angry at me that I didn’t tell him what happened, but instead he takes my face in one hand and he begins to wipe the tears from my cheeks with the sleeve of his hoodie.

“Are you okay,” he asks me.

I laugh weakly, still sniffling. “I’m better now that he fookin’ left.”

He smiles at me. “Come on, let’s get out of here.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Like the great Gerard once said, "eat shit Justin" (yea, the "eat shit bob" was a thing)
> 
> Also, guess the song from the chapter title and I'll be your best friend.


	12. The Best Part of "Believe" is the "Lie"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And what’s your name?”
> 
> “Huh?”
> 
> “Your name. For the order?”
> 
> “Right. Sorry.”
> 
> The barista looks at her with a slight annoyance.
> 
> “Your name, ma’am.”
> 
> “Yes, right. My name’s Signe.”
> 
>  
> 
> *WARNING* There are a couple triggering subjects so be warned. It's not super descriptive or anything but just in case...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Lol, yeah, sorry for not posting in a while. Busy with last-minute summer homework and writer's block. Stuff came up, and I wanted this chapter to be at least decent. So yeah, enjoy. Lemme know what you guys think.

We make our way into a nearby coffeeshop. It’s not even noon and yet the entire shop is crammed with people. There are no empty tables, so I decide that it’s better to order first and then ask to share a table with someone. Mark isn’t saying anything, and I assume that he’s still upset from meeting Justin. I order our coffees as Mark stares off into space, muttering curses under his breath.

“That little….. I swear the next time I see him I’m going to…. To think he could come here and…. If he ever comes near Sean again…… That little….. Just you wait, you…..”

It’s really hard to ignore after awhile, so I reach down and grab his hand, tracing circles into his skin with my thumb. He relaxes slightly, pulling me in for a hug. I bury my face into his chest, inhaling his scent. I rub circles into his back as I hear a hum of relaxation.

“I’m okay, I swear.”

Mark looks at me for a moment, unconvinced. I look right back at him, as if to tell him,  _ I’m serious, Mark. Drop it. _ Immediately, his face relaxes, although he’s not smiling still. At least it’s still better than a frown.

“Mark, why don't you go and find us a place to sit. You need ta calm down a bit.”

He shrugs, “Actually, I gotta make a call to the office. I promise I’ll do that when I get back. I’ll step outside so I don't bother anyone.”

I nod, tracing his jaw lightly with my fingers. He smiles and walks out of the shop.

I look around, sighing in relief to myself for managing to calm down my…  _ Uh… my… boyfriend?  _ Nevermind. Calm down my soulmate.  _ Yeah, that works. _ I notice the girl standing in front of me. She was wearing a grey knit sweater, her hair a light brown with slight highlights. Her makeup was perfect. She seemed to be texting someone on her phone, distracted. Distracted enough to not notice that she was up to order.

“Uh, ma’am,” I nudge her.

She looks up at me, a blank, innocent look in her eyes. I nod to the counter and she blushes before apologizing and stepping up to order. I can’t help but overhear her conversation with the barista.

“Um, a black coffee please.”

“Sure. Two-fifty, please.”

“Oh yeah, sure.”

“And what’s your name?”

“Huh?”

“Your name. For the order?”

“Right. Sorry.”

The barista looks at her with a slight annoyance.

“Your name, ma’am.”

“Yes, right. My name’s Signe.”

“Could you spell tha- oh, never mind. I’ll just make it out to John Cena.”

I roll my eyes.  _ What a stale meme. _

She laughs politely. “That’ll work. Thank you.”

“No problem, Signe.”

She walks away, and I step up to order the coffees. I’m halfway through my order when something hits me.  _ Signe. Signe? Did I hear that right? _

I look up at the barista, pay him quickly, and rush off to find the woman. Just as luck would have it, I find her immediately, her legs tucked under her as she sits on the windowsill, nursing her coffee.

“Y-you’re Signe,” I say, blankly.

She looks up at me. “Uh, yeah?”

“Signe… As in Justin’s fiancée?”

“Yeah,” she says, an eyebrow raised, “you know him?”

I run a hand through my hair. “Know him? I dated him.”

“You wha-”

“Never mind that,” I interrupt her. “Listen. You can’t marry Justin.”

“What? Why not?”

“He… Uh…”

“What? What’s wrong?”

“He lied to me.”

“What? So what?”

“He claimed to be my soulmate and then left.”

“Claimed? How could he-”

“Well, he convinced me that he was my soulmate.”

She stands up to meet my gaze. “And you believed him?”

“Well, yeah. I didn’t know much about soulmates… I thought he knew better.”

“And now?”

“Now?” I hear the door open, and I look over at Mark, who just walked in “I found my true soulmate.”

She smiles. “That’s sweet, but I’m pretty sure that Justin is my soulmate.”

“You saw colour when you met him?” 

Signe looks away. “Well, no… But he told me that it can take some time.”

“Well, he’s lying,” Mark says, coming up behind her. “It’s always an immediate thing. You also feel something… Special.”

“Like something warm is filling your entire body,” I continue.

“And all the weight is lifted from you,” Mark finishes. We’re smiling at each other.

Signe looks from Mark to me. “You two seem happy together.”

“We are,” I say, placing a hand on Mark’s upper back.

“But then why is Justin lying to me?”

I go silent, and I turn my attention to the floor.

“He, uh…” Mark’s voice trails off.

“He has plans… To… I’m not sure how to put this gently…”

“He,” Mark clears his throat, he looks at me, as if to ask permission to tell her. I nod. “A long while ago, Justin had tricked Sean into thinking that they were soulmates… And he did it only to get in his pants…”

“You mean he-”

“Yeah, he abused and abandoned me.”

Signe rubs her forehead with her thumb and forefinger. “You think that’s what he’s gonna do to me?”

I nod.

“Oh god,” Signe whimpers. I can tell how scared she is. “What am I going to do? I can’t go back to him.”

She wavers, and I grab her arm and steady her. “Don’t worry. We’re not going ta let anythin’ happen to you. You can stay at our place until we figure this all out.”

Signe nods, and Mark steps forward to give her a hug.

“For now, let’s get you out of this place. We’ll bring you somewhere safer.”

“We’re gonna bring you to my office,” Mark says. “I’ll call Amy and have her prep some video games and snacks for the four of us. It’ll be fun.”

“Who’s Amy?”

“Oh, Amy’s awesome. You’ll love her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't forget to guess the song title that the chapter title comes from!!! It's my fave thing to see people gushing about the bands I love with all my heart so plz comment below. I mean, comment even if you don't know. I need frens.


	13. I'm Here at the Beginning of the End, the End of Infinity with You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I whirl around to see Justin, fuming and heading right towards us. Mark stay exactly where he is, but he motions for me to stand behind him. Justin stomps right up to him so that they’re inches away from each other.
> 
> So.... lots of trigger warnings??? Like, a lot?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you're easily triggered, skip the last third of the chapter. I know this one's short, but I REALLY needed to post something.

“Are you sure this is a good idea? I could always find a hotel or something…”

“Nonsense. We broke the news to you, we should be in charge of keeping you safe,” Mark says, unlocking the door to the office.

“I agree,” I say, resting a hand on Signe’s shoulder. “We’re responsible for shattering the picture perfect life you were imagining. The least we could do is help you out.”

“We have a spare room in my home. You could stay there until you find yourself a job and a place to live.”

Signe looks mildly comforted, but then she says, “And this Amy… Who is she?”

Mark flashes her a smile, not responding as he opens the door, revealing a flustered Amy,

“Hey guys, I came as fast as I could.” Amy rushes around the room, setting up video games and snacks. “You said there was something wro-”

Both Amy and Signe are standing still. The entire room is quiet. They don’t move, their eyes still locked on each other.

“Are,” Signe is whispering. “Are you…”

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing right now,” Amy asks, astonished.

“The world got a whole lot more… How do I put it...”

“Colourful,” Amy finishes.

Signe looks up, and smiles. “Yeah.”

“The colours are beautiful, aren’t they,” Mark speaks up.

The two girls don’t look at Mark, they don’t even break eye contact from each other.

“Not as beautiful as who’s standing in front of me,” Amy says, smiling.

Mark and I share a knowing smile.  _ At least something’s going right for them. _

  
  


Hours have passed and Amy and Signe are sitting together on the couch, only inches away from each other as they talk excitedly about their lives. Mark and I stand silently, watching over the two women to make sure both of them are happy, not like we really need to in the first place.

We decide that it would be better for Signe to stay with Amy at her apartment, since they seemed to not want to part. I check my phone and see that it’s already 9:30 PM. We’ve all been sitting on the couch playing games and chatting since lunchtime. I nudge Mark with my elbow and nod towards the clock.  _ Well, I guess I’ll skip a day of posting. Not the end of the world,  _ he mouths. 

I get up from the couch. “Welp, I think it’s time for Mark and I to go. We have a longer journey than you guys.”

Mark stands next to me, stretching his arms behind him. “Yeah. Amy, when you guys leave, just lock up behind you.”

The two women glance in our direction and nod slightly, large smiles plastered on their faces. We acknowledge their response and mutter our goodbyes before heading towards the door. When Mark shuts the door behind him, he glances at me and grabs my hand with both of his.

“I think we did a good thing today.”

I smile, “Agreed. 

  
  


I wake up around 7:15 AM. Unsure if I should start making noise in the kitchen, I check my phone to pass the time. A text from Mark pops up at the top of the screen.  _ Hey, had to run down to the office early to record some videos. Will be home around 9:00. We can go out for breakfast then. <3 _

I smile and tap out a short reply.  _ Can’t wait. But if you take me to Dunkin Donuts, I will push you in front of an oncoming car. _

_ Wow. That’s… Specific. _

_ You know it ;) _

I shut off my phone and head into the kitchen. Chica’s lying in the middle of the floor. Her ears perk up when she sees me. I bend down to pick her up. “I love ya, bub, but yer sittin’ in front o’ the coffeemaker.” She whines slightly but licks my face in understanding.  _ Even our dog knows that I can’t live without my coffee.  _

While I wait for my coffee, I decide that I should finally look into what Mark does. I grab my laptop and search up YouTube. I start to type in “Markiplier”, and once the page loads, I’m blown away. Thousands of gaming videos flood my vision.  _ This is what he does every day? Awesome.  _ I click on his channel and scroll to the most recent video: a Q&A. 

“Hello, everybody. My name is Markiplier and today we’re doing another Q&A…”

  
  


I’m five minutes into a video of him playing Cards Against Humanity when the front door opens. “Hey, Sean! Ready to-” He stops when he sees what I’m doing. “Oh. That video. I swear to god I’m not that weird all the time. I’m usually-”

I chuckle. “Yeah right. I saw some of your other videos. You’re always like that.”

He grins. “Have you been internet stalking me?”

I blush. “Okay, let’s go.”

I shut my laptop and grab Mark by the wrist, pulling him out of the apartment.

  
  


“I swear, that blueberry muffin’s gonna be the death of me.”

“Oh shut up. The coffee was better.”

Mark laughs. “You and your coffee.”

“Well duh. Coffee is love, coffee is life. I swear, my whole world should’ve gone to colour when I had my first cup of coffee as a young lad.”

Mark feigns hurt. “You mean you love coffee more than me?”

I nod, keeping my face as serious as I can muster. “Of course. If coffee was a human, I’d leave you for him, no question.”

We burst into laughter, hands intertwining. Suddenly, I hear someone call out my boyfriend’s name.

“MARK!!!”

I whirl around to see Justin, fuming and heading right towards us. Mark stay exactly where he is, but he motions for me to stand behind him. Justin stomps right up to him so that they’re inches away from each other.

“Mark,” he starts, “what did you tell Signe?”

Mark stays silent. Instead he just shrugs.

“She called me yesterday telling me to stay the hell away from her.”

I don’t say anything. I just watch whatever is about to go down.

“She told me she met her real soulmate. Was this your doing as well?”

“I didn’t do anything wrong,” Mark replies. “I’m just doing what I can to prevent any more people from getting hurt by people like you.”

“So, you got something against me, huh,” Justin snarls.

“Of course I do,” Mark snaps back. “You abused my boyfriend.”

“That doesn’t mean you can go sticking your nose in other people’s business.”

“It became my business the moment my soulmate told me you hurt him.”

Justin pushes Mark back, causing him to bump into a few people who don’t bother to pay attention to the fight that’s about to happen. I glance at my boyfriend, noticing the angry glint in his eyes.

“Did you really just… push me?”

“Yeah, I did. What’re ya gonna do about it?”

Mark chuckles, with no hint of amusement in his voice. “Wow, could you get any more childish? Get over it. You didn’t get to hurt another person. If anything you deserve it.”

Justin pushes him again, but this time Mark doesn’t budge. He stays as still as a statue, his jaw clenched and his face expressionless.

“You had no right to involve yourself in my love life. Why couldn’t you just stay out of it, you arse!”

“I wasn’t just going to stand aside and watch you hurt someone the way you did with my fucking  _ soulmate _ . No one deserves to be traumatized like that. Ever.”

“Why don’t you just mind yer own fecking business?!” Justin’s arm is drawn back quickly, and suddenly is flung forward, making contact with Mark’s face, just below his right eye.

And still Mark continues to stand tall, his nose now bleeding. He has yet to fight back, but I know that he’s too proud to fight back. He knows too well that nothing would be solved with that.

“Well? Why don't you hit me? Huh? Why don’t you show me how much you hate what I did?”

Nothing from Mark.

“Well, I’m not sorry for what I did.”

_ Oh great. He’s trying to get a reaction out of him now. _

“I’d do it all again!”

_ Stop it, ye idjit. _

“I may have not gotten to  _ fuck _ Signe, but I certainly got to do it with Sean.”

_ Stop. _

“And let me tell you, it was fookin amazing.”

_ Please. Don’t. _

“You should’ve seen the look on his face. So much  _ pain. _ ”

I sneak a glance at Mark. The muscles in his face are visible from the strain, the place where he was punched already turning blue.

“He was crying, and I just. Didn’t. Stop.”

_ No. _

“I swear I should’ve put it off longer, because watching him in that much pain all the time from the anxiety and panic attacks was so hot.”

Mark’s fists are clenched tight.

“And I’d do it all again. Hurt him all over again. Because I like it. No, not like. I love it. I love it, I love it, I lo-”

Mark’s fist makes direct contact with Justin’s nose. It was so sudden and powerful that I made the smallest noise. Justin’s covering his nose. He’s standing a few feet away from Mark now, but he removes his hands from his face, blood running down his face. He’s smiling.

“Come on, Jack. Let’s go.” A hand guides me toward the exit of the park, which I am very glad to leave.

We make it a couple steps out before a hand grabs for Mark’s shirt and pulls him away from my reach.

The next couple moments are so blurry. A struggle between Mark and Justin. Mark punches Justin. Justin yells at Mark. Mark yells back. A push. Mark stumbles off the sidewalk. The sound of a car horn. 

I black out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess the song from the chapter title! Love this game so much, but you guys stopped playing... Either way, comment something.


	14. I Sing the Blues and Swallow Them Too

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I freeze, my hand on the doorknob. I whip around so that I’m facing the blue-haired twenty-year-old. “Because-” I stop. I can feel a lump forming in my throat. “Do you know how hard it is to go through something like this? I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I haven’t even been allowed to go see him in the hospital because he’s still in surgery! It’s been four days, and he hasn’t left surgery!!! Do you understand how that feels?! My soulmate might die and all you care about is that his fans deserve to know what happened! I can barely remember what happens, and when I try to, I feel so sick to my stomach that I would rather die than think about it!!! So no, I’m not going to record a video for you. He’s all I need to think about right now. I can’t, I just can’t-” I can’t get out the rest of my sentence.
> 
>  
> 
> Poor bb Jack, I feel bad for writing this honestly...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the long wait, I've been busy and had a bad case of writer's block.

I can’t shake what I saw. It’s been a couple days since the accident and I still can’t wrap my head around the thirty seconds that rendered me numb. The moments leading up to and following the incident are crystal clear in my mind, but the actual moment is so blurry. 

  
  
  


All that passes through my mind when I think about it is the sound. A car horn. The sudden quiet around us. It was like the world stood still. But everything is dark. I can’t see. The next thing I know, I’m in an ambulance with a paramedic standing over me asking me about what happened. I glance at the group of EMT’s surrounding a body on a stretcher. One of them is applying pressure to different wounds. Another is giving compressions. I strain my neck slightly to see bright red hair. I suppress a sob.

“Is he going to be okay? Please, tell me he’s going to be okay!”

“Sir. Sir! We’re doing everything we can, but right now I need you to tell me everything you can remember.”

“I-I-” I can’t speak. I can barely comprehend what’s going on right now, let alone remember what happened five minutes ago.

I close my eyes again. The sound of the siren is overflowing my senses. I pray with all my might that what’s happening is just a figment of my imagination. I open my eyes again. The paramedic is still kneeling in front of me. Mark is still on the stretcher. I faint.

  
  
  


I haven’t left the apartment since I was sent home without being allowed to see Mark. Friends have stopped by every once in awhile. They come to check on me. To make sure I’m still alive. The funny thing is, I don’t even know if I can constitute being alive. I haven’t slept or eaten. Chica has been brought to the office so I don’t have to worry about taking care of her. The apartment is full and empty at the same time. I can’t bear to look at Mark’s bedroom door. I haven’t been on the internet in awhile. My phone is filled with messages that I refuse to read.

The front door opens and Ethan walks through.

“Hey, Jack.” I can hear the pity in his voice. “How’re you doing?”

I shrug, not bothering to look up at him. “I can tell you, I’ve been better.”

He sighs. “Look, I know you’re not going to like this, but…” He trails off.

This intrigues me. I look up to meet his eyes. “But what?”

“So, we’re beginning to run out of pre-recorded videos for Mark’s channel.”

I turn away from him. “Why’re you telling me this?”

“Well,” he starts. I already know what he’s going to say. “His fans are wondering where he’s been, since he’s not replying to comments or posting anything on social media.”

I don't say anything.

“And we need to tell them what happened.”

Nothing.

“I don’t know what happened, and the hospital isn’t telling us anything.”

I check my phone. Thousands of texts from everyone. I shut it off, not bothering to read any of them.

“So we were wondering if you’d record a video telling everyone what happened. You’re his soulmate. They’d listen to you. Please, we just need to get the message out as to why-”

“No.” 

Ethan stops talking. “What?”

I get up from where I’m sitting and start walking to my room. “I said no. I’m not going to do it.”

“But… but why?”

I freeze, my hand on the doorknob. I whip around so that I’m facing the blue-haired twenty-year-old. “Because-” I stop. I can feel a lump forming in my throat. “Do you know how hard it is to go through something like this? I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I haven’t even been allowed to go see him in the hospital because he’s still in surgery! It’s been four days, and he hasn’t left surgery!!! Do you understand how that feels?! My soulmate might  **_die_ ** and all you care about is that his fans deserve to know what happened! I can barely remember what happens, and when I try to, I feel so sick to my stomach that I would rather die than think about it!!! So no, I’m not going to record a video for you. He’s all I need to think about right now. I can’t, I just can’t-” I can’t get out the rest of my sentence. 

Tears blur my vision until they finally spill down my cheeks. Ethan is speechless. I turn and go into my room.

  
  
  


Ethan enters my room fifteen minutes later. He doesn’t bother knocking; I wouldn’t have let him in. I’m curled up at the foot of my bed, tears silently running down my face. He sits down next to me. Neither of us has the guts to look at the other.

“You don’t have to record the video.”

I keep my eyes set on the wall in front of me.

“I’m sorry I pushed it. I shouldn’t have even asked.”

I don’t speak to him.

“I don’t know what I would do if something like this happened to Tyler. Probably something similar to you, though.”

I’m no longer crying. I’m pretty sure I’ve run out of tears.

“The reason I did ask you was because I don’t think anyone on the team could do him justice. We need the person who cares about him the most. I don’t know about you, but I wouldn’t want anyone else speaking about Tyler but me.”

He rests a hand on my shoulder.

“I’m going to leave now, but I want to leave you with this.”

I turn my head slightly.

 

“After your first date, Mark came to the office with a huge smile. He was holding a coffee-stained hoodie in his hands. He wouldn’t put it down or let us throw it away. He said it belonged to someone very special.

“When he finally had the chance to get to know you, he never stopped talking about you. ‘He’s so full of life,’ he said. ‘He’s like… like the colour green. Bright and the physical embodiment of happiness and bitterness put together.’” Ethan pauses to chuckle. “He said that you were his favourite colour. You were all the green he’d ever need in this world. He loves you, Jack.”

With that, Ethan stands up and walks out the door. I hear the front door open and shut.

  
  
  


I knock on the door. Amy answers, a look of surprise on her face. “Jack? What’re you doing here?”

She motions me inside. The others are in the office as well. They all stare at me with shock written all over their faces.

“I came to film the video.”

Silence.

“You what?”

I glance at Ethan. He’s smiling ever-so-slightly.

“I’m here to film the video explaining what happened to Mark.”

Amy smiles. She steps closer and envelopes me in a big hug. The others get up from whatever they’re doing and join in.

“I’m proud of you,” Ethan whispers in my ear. “Thank you.”

For the first time in three days, I smile.

  
  
  


“So, whenever you’re ready, just press this button here to start recording,” Ethan points to a red button on a camera. “We’ll be in the other room. Take your time.”

He steps out of the room, closing the door behind him.

I take a couple deep breaths as I look around the recording room. The walls are coated in these grey foam insulator things. Behind the chair I’m sitting in is a shelf with a couple gifts that I presume are from fans. On the desk in front of me, a giant computer monitor and a couple smaller monitors are sitting angled towards me. On one of them, I can see my face. 

I can see something framed next to the bigger monitor. I squint so I can see it, since this bright ring-shaped light is blinding me. It’s a picture of me. I’m sat on the floor, playing with Chica and making a silly face. I’ve never seen that picture before, but it makes me smile.

I take another deep breath and press the ‘record’ button.

  
  
  


The video comes out a couple days later. Ethan texted me before posting it because he wanted to let me know that Kathryn had been crying while editing. “You’re words literally brought everyone to tears,” he says. “The fans will love this video… Er, not because of what happened, but because of how genuine you are. We thought maybe you should start your own YouTube channel.”

I shrug, knowing full well that he can’t see me. “I dunno. I don’t think I’d be very good, ya know? And anyways, I want to wait and see if Mark is okay before I can think of gettin’ any job.”

“I understand. And hey, I also wanted to ask you if you could come with me to redye my hair. Tyler was going to come with me, but something came up at work and he’s too busy.”

“Uh, why do ya need anyone to go with you? It’s not like you need someone to check you in or out after.”

“Yeah, but it takes  _ so long _ ,” Ethan whines. “Pleasssssssseeeee?”

I roll my eyes. Thinking about it, I haven’t really been out in awhile, so it might not be the worst thing. “Okay, but-”

“YAYAYAYA-”

“ _ But _ ,” I interrupt, “you need to buy me food.”

“Deal!”

  
  
  


We step into the hair salon. It’s some puny little place with maybe two or three stylists.  _ It’s…. Quaint. _ A woman steps up to me. She has crazy electric yellow hair with orange tips.  _ Okay, maybe a little crazy.  _

“Are you here for an appointment,” she asks me, a shy little smile on her face.

“I- er…”

“Hey, Laura,” Ethan interrupts. “I’m here for some touch-ups.”

Laura’s face drops. “Oh. I thought this little cutie-patootie,” she gestures to me, winking, “wanted to dye his hair.”

Ethan crosses his arms over his chest. “Ha-ha. Sorry, but Jack is only here to keep me company.”

“Awww…” 

I feel a pinch of pain from her tone. I take a breath.  _ I can’t believe I’m doing this… _

“Okay, you can dye my hair.”

Laura squeals with joy. “Oh my  _ god _ , you’re gonna love thi-”

“A-actually,” I interrupt her, “I already have an idea of what I want.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry, I know you waited so long and then it was only sub-par, but I hope you like it anyways.
> 
> Also, name the song from the chapter title and I'll e your best fren :3


	15. The Fear Of Falling Apart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I look up at her. She looks tired, makeup smudged slightly. Or maybe not. I don’t care anymore. The others are standing behind her, also looking exhausted. Or maybe not.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rip I just had to post another chapter. Wrote it in first block out of boredom.

“Jack, you’re hair looks so great. Why are you wearing a hat,” Ethan whines as I step into the office.

I shrug, half-smiling. “I dunno, I guess I’m just not used to it yet.”

He pouts. “I’m jealous. Why doesn’t my hair look that good?”

I laugh. “Maybe it’s just cuz I’m  _ better lookin’. _ ”

Tyler walks up behind Ethan and covers the smaller man’s eyes. “Don’t go hurting his self-esteem. I have to go home with this loser and I can’t stand listening to him talk about your good looks.”

“ _ Loser??? _ ” Ethan half-screams, his eyes still covered.

I giggle. “Ya know, Ethan, maybe you could just g-”

I’m interrupted by my phone buzzing. When I check it, I see it’s not a phone number I recognise. The boys glance at the number and a look of almost pain is on their faces for just a brief moment. I barely catch it.

“Maybe I should just ignore it,” I mutter, almost putting my phone back in my pocket. The guys reply by shaking their heads.

“You should probably answer it. You never know who it could be.”

I can tell on their faces they already know.

Shrugging, I answer it. “Hello?”

“ _ Hi. Is this Seán McLoughlin?” _

I’m already skeptical. I don’t recognise the voice, and yet it seems familiar in some way. “Yes..?”

“ _ Great. This is…”  _ The receiver crackles a little bit, but I suddenly recall where I’ve heard her voice before.

“I-I’m sorry, could you repeat that?” My voice is trembling as I say this. I already know.

“ _ Of course. This is the UCLA Medical Center. _ ”

I start to shake, and decide that it’s best to sit down. I can’t make it to the couch, so I sit on the carpeted floor, exactly where I was just standing. I quickly glance at my friends. They avert their eyes, as if ashamed they didn’t let me know who it was.

“ _ We’re calling in regards to Mark Fischbach. It says here that you’re his emergency contact. _ ”

“Y-yeah, I would assume so. Sorry, but why are you calling?”

I hear her take in a slow breath. I expect the worst. “ _ Mark is out of surgery. _ ”

My heart stops. Or at least, it feels like it.

“ _ We thought you’d like to know, in case you wanted to visit. _ ”

All the moisture leaves my mouth, and I can’t speak.

“ _ Sir? Sir, are you there? _ ” Her voice sounds so far away.

I sit in silence, my mouth hanging open slightly. The line goes silent, and then I hear the faint buzz hinting that she hung up. I reflexively hang up and put my phone in my pocket.

“Jack? Jack, what’s wrong?”

I look up. My friends are standing in front of me, but there’s about six of each of them. Or maybe the room is spinning. At this point I can’t tell the difference. Amy steps forward and kneels in front of me.

“Seán, what happened?”

I look at her dumbly. 

“Mark’s alive. He’s out of surgery. He survived.”

  
  
  


A nice-looking nurse is exiting Mark’s room as I walk up to the door. She gives me a faint smile and asks me if I’m here to see ‘the handsome man with the red hair’. I nod, and she opens the door for me.

I step quietly into the hospital room. My face falls when I see him lying in the bed, almost too many wires sticking out of him and the screen monitoring his heart rate beeping at a slow, constant rate. His eyes are closed. A doctor already told me that his hasn’t woken from his coma yet. When I see him, my heart leaps into my throat. He looks pretty beaten up, stitches all over his body. His once bright red hair, the first thing I ever saw in colour, was now faded to a pale orange. 

I can feel my eyes water and my heart rate quicken. If there was any reason not to want to see colour, it would be right now. The bruises on his arms and legs are deep purples and blacks.

I walk closer to the bed and perch myself on the side. His hand lays beside me and I pick it up and squeeze it, hoping that he might squeeze back. A tear rolls down my cheek and I don’t bother to wipe it away. I try to speak, but I can’t.

I take off my hat and let my hair fall into my face. “Look, Mark. I dyed my hair. It’s your favorite colour. It’s green, Mark.” More tears roll down my face. “It’s green.”

I don’t realize until a nurse puts an arm around me. “Are you okay, sir?”

I’m sobbing hard. I try to reply to her, but my speech is so slurred that I’m incomprehensible. The nurse leaves the room and brings me back a bottle of water, which I take before she leaves the room again. I wipe my eyes the best I can and then go back to squeezing Mark’s hand.

  
  
  


I don’t look up when the others file into the room. I haven’t left the room since I first saw Mark. Well, I did, but only for a couple minutes so I could puke in the men’s bathroom while they changed his tubing. My thumb is rubbing circles into the back of his hand. It hasn’t warmed up in the couple hours that I’ve been here, but there are still faint calluses on the tips of his fingers. I remember fondly the nights where I could hear him plucking at his guitar, singing warmly in his room.

Someone puts a hand on my shoulder. “How long have you been here,” Signe whispers to me.

“I dunno… Couple hours? Got here a couple minutes after I left the office,” I mumble. I’m not even sure the words left my lips until she replies with a sigh.

“Jack, that was 14 hours ago.”

I look up at her. She looks tired, makeup smudged slightly. Or maybe not. I don’t care anymore. The others are standing behind her, also looking exhausted. Or maybe not. 

“Why didn’t you get here sooner,” I mutter. Or maybe I don’t.

“We were going to come earlier, but they wouldn’t let us in,” Tyler says from behind her. Or maybe he doesn’t. “The doctor said he wasn’t in a stable enough condition.”

Ethan looks away, looking guilty yet again. Or maybe he doesn’t.

“We actually weren’t allowed to come in to see him. The hospital called me later to come get you and bring you home,” Signe says. Or maybe she doesn’t.

I blink at her. “Why?”

“Because you’ve been here for fourteen hours. Without eating or drinking, they told me.” She glances at the unopened water bottle next to me that the nurse gave me earlier and the untouched tray of food sitting near me. I don’t recall that coming in. “They want me to take you home now.”

I stand up abruptly and immediately fall back into my chair. My legs can’t support my weight. After all, I haven’t stood up in 10 hours. I look away from them and turn my attention to Mark. He looks so peaceful and yet in so much pain. The orange mop of hair in drenched in sweat. Little trickles of dye run down his face slowly. I open the water bottle and wet a towel. Dabbing his face, I finally say something.

“I’m not leaving.”

“What?”

“I’m. Not. Leaving.”

“But-”

“No!” I stand up again, this time I don’t fall down. “I’m not leaving him again! The last time I let go of this man, he got pushed into the fookin’  _ street _ ! This is all my fault, I didn’t do a good enough job at protecting him! This is al-” I’m interrupted by a sob that escapes me.

I suddenly can hear the ambulance sirens ringing in my ears. I scream as I cover my ears, tears running down my face. “This is all my fault, this is all my fault, this is-” I keep repeating this as I fall to the floor.

Amy and the others rush to me, checking to see if I’m alright. Signe sends the others out of the room and pulls me into her arms. Her hug is strong, despite her size and stature. One arm rubs my back as she whispers words of comfort that I can’t hear into my shoulder.

“It’s going to be okay, Seán,” she says. 

Or maybe she doesn’t.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess the song that the chapter title came from and you can be my new best friend.

**Author's Note:**

> Chapters will probably get longer later


End file.
